Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
