sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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