Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
