the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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