Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
