wat bout pragnant strippers??
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
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Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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