Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
