she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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