Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize