Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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