i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
