so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
