Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
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We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
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I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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