We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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