When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
