I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
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