I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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