Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
