I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
