I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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