My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
