She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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