i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
