"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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