We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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