ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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