You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
