Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
