Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He kissed a someone with a penis
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
