i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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