You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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