Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She's the barista slut.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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