life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
