In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
