my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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