Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
