my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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