I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
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i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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