You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
