To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
