so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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