Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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