She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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