Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
