About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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