The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
