so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
