Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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