this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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