i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You ruined the universe
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
