My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
