Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Damn victory sex feels great
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
