I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You're a waste of cheezeits
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
