apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
