ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
