I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
