he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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