dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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