Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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