I murdered the dance floor call the cops
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
