The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
