Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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