I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
