I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
