if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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