I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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