I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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