pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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