Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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