I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
