my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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