a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
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He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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