here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
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Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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