Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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