I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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